There have been a lot of posts in the personal finance blogosphere recently about whether you should merge your finances together when you get married. And specifically if you should consider paying off your significant other’s debt. Brian over at Luke1428 and Grayson over at Debt Roundup both blogged about this topic recently. Grayson took a lot of heat for a post explaining why he wouldn’t help pay off his wife’s debt. A thought provoking post, as he explained in the comments his wife actually didn’t have any debt–he did (and he paid it off himself).
All those posts got me thinking about, “Spending Without Spouse Approval”. You know, discussing a large purchase with your significant other before you swipe that credit card (or not!).
Basically, I’m curious if/when you discuss a large a purchase with your partner. And what do you consider a, “large” purchase?
Hypothetically, If I buy a $200 ipad should I run that buy the bf? What if I I buy it with, “my money” and the purchase doesn’t impact our savings together? Does that matter? Or what If he buys a $1000 TV? Should he discuss that with me first? Should the price of the purchase be considered? Or should all purchases, large and small, be discussed?
A little background: The bf and I don’t combine our finances at this point in our relationship. As you might remember from this budget post, bf and I have a system worked out for who pays what.
- I Pay: The condo fee, the storage bill, and the grocery bill
- He Pays: The gas bill, the electric bill, the cable/Internet bill, the garage fee and car insurance
- We Pay: Each of us pay a percentage of the monthly mortgage payment. Each of us pay our own cell phone bills, credit card bills and personal expenses/anything extra we want to buy.
Even though we don’t have completely combined finances we always talk about any large purchases we’re going to make individually. These are a few of the recent conversations we’ve had about spending:
New to us Car-When our jeep flooded during hurricane Sandy, bf and I discussed how we’d purchase our new car. Cash from bf’s emergency fund. We discussed how much we wanted to spend, which features were important to us (safety, reliability and heated seats OK I’ll admit I did get very used to having heated seats and although it’s a luxury it’s something I’ve really grown to love-I swear I’m cold blooded and NYC winters aren’t getting any warmer!). Ultimately we decided on a new to us low-mileage, older model SUV that was within our cash budget and just so happened to have those heated seats.
Engagement Ring-Bf says it’s none of my business (in a nice way) how much he spends on the ring and that I shouldn’t worry about it. While I’m not worried about it, per se, I have, “warned” him (also in a nice way) that I don’t want him to spend a lot of money on a ring. I’m sure you remember this recent post about possibly purchasing a gently used ring. While I’d actually like to talk, “numbers” and set a spending limit, bf tells me that I’m being too practical and taking all of the fun and surprise out of the process. So I’m going to keep my mouth shut and let him do his thing.
New TV-Shortly after we moved into our condo, the bf decided that he wanted a new TV. Although we had an older model that we found for free, bf really wanted a bigger flat-screen. I initially wasn’t all that on-board with the idea, why would we pay for a new TV when we had a perfectly good free TV(sorry hun)? But it meant a lot to him, and I got a lot of what I wanted in the condo (I picked the wall colors etc.) so I decided it wasn’t really something that was worth getting upset over. Bf found a good deal online and purchased the TV, using his money from his savings.
Your Turn: Do You Need/Want Spouse Approval Before Making a, “Big” Purchase?
Image: Travis Issacs